We’re taught early on to be the first person to raise our hand in response to the teacher’s question. We’re rewarded throughout our school career, in the workplace, and social groups for chiming in with the right answer.
I know my mind never worked that fast (and now it’s even slower), so I was rarely the one who raised my hand. The few times I braved the embarrassment, only to have the teacher tell me I was wrong, discouraged me from taking such “dangerous” risks.
After college, I took a job in sales for a business forms company. I followed the instructions I received: always have an answer. After all, the customer expects you to have the answers, don’t they?
The opposite is true. I learned this from one of my mentors, Charlie Green, co-author of The Trusted Advisor. He shared one of my now-favorite quotes: “Being right is overrated…just ask anyone who’s married!”
Charlie suggested that to earn trust—a prerequisite for building lasting relationships—you need to admit when you don’t have the answer. Paradoxically, by acknowledging your limits, you can increase your credibility.
This insight contradicts what we’ve been taught since we were children, yet it makes perfect sense if you think about it.
Why?
Because customers don’t expect you to know all the answers all the time. They don’t! And if you pretend to know something you don’t, one of two things will likely happen:
The customer will sense that you’re unsure and lose confidence in you.
They’ll eventually discover that your answer was inaccurate.
Either way, your trust diminishes.
The Sandpaper Story
One of my favorite trust stories is “The Sandpaper Story,” which I first heard from Mr. Green when I was on his team at Trusted Advisor Associates. As a newly minted consultant at a prestigious firm, Charlie faced a high-stakes sales call with his boss present. The customer asked, “What experience do you have in marketing industrial consumables?” Charlie felt the pressure to impress the customer and his boss with the “right” answer.
Before he could respond, his boss interjected, “None that I can think of. Is there anything else we can help you with?”
Charlie was mortified, convinced the prospect would never do business with them. But then the customer responded, “That’s okay. I ask that question to everyone who tries to sell to me.” The customer was testing whether the salesperson would attempt to bluff.
Charlie tells it better than I can in this short video, but the takeaway is clear: honesty trumps pretension every time. (Source: The Trusted Advisor: 20th Anniversary Edition)
The Lesson for Change Leaders
Your credibility will inevitably be tested if you’re tasked with leading change. When I launched a CX practice at a bank, I often found myself surrounded by stakeholders with decades more experience in banking than I had. The pressure to always have the right answer has been ingrained in me since grade school.
But the paradox of admitting you don’t know is that, despite our conditioning, it can actually build credibility. It signals honesty and transparency. We feel pressure to appear competent, authoritative, and accurate, believing these traits earn trust. Yet, paradoxically, admitting what we don’t know is often more believable.
Of course, there’s a limit to how often you can rely on “I don’t know”—doing your homework is essential. But too often, we fall into the trap of needing to have the right answer at every turn or, worse, trying to be the smartest person in the room.
When we’re humble enough to admit we don’t know, we earn trust. Instead of scrambling to sound smart, consider saying, “You know, that’s a great question. I don’t know the answer to that. If you’d like, I’d be happy to do some research and get back to you.”
The Long Game
Leading change takes time. It’s a marathon, not a sprint and that means earning trust with each stakeholder requires a thoughtful approach and a deep understanding of each stakeholder’s needs, internal, external, and philosophical. By your willingness to admit you don’t know, that you don’t have all the answers off the tip of your tongue, you’re much more likely to build relationships and learn more about those needs.
The Closing Thought
At its core, trust is about authenticity, not perfection. The next time you’re in a situation where you don’t have the answer, see it as an opportunity to build trust rather than a moment of vulnerability. By admitting you don’t know, you show that you’re genuine, reliable, and willing to learn—qualities that matter far more than always being right. Remember, trust isn’t built on flawless answers but on honest relationships.
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